it's not so bad...

so i have been trying not to "disfigure" my face when it comes time to fasting....but i am not going to lie, it has been a hard journey for me and i am only on day 5! but just when i start to lose focus and think about the food i am missing, etc, i get this newsletter update from katherine wolf out in LA. for those of you who do not remember or know her, she suffered a brain hemorrhage in april 2008. her story is absolutely amazing and i encourage you to read about it on the websites listed in her latest update here below:

"It seems that there are two distinct groups of readers on here in general. There
is the group, mainly from Athens, who read what I write from Caringbridge
directly (www.caringbridge.org/visit/katherinewolf). There is also the group,
largely from Montgomery, who read on www.katherinewolf.info. LA friends are
really divided between the two. On these two websites alone, there have been
almost 500,000 webpage views for each. Together, that means there are almost a
million hits. There are people reading about me in 96 countries as well. The 1
million hits does not even consider my mom’s blog, the Romans 8 movement
website, or the 2 facebook groups. Most of my close friends have set it up to
have updates sent to their email, and the numbers do not reflect them either.
All I can say is WOW. WOW. This means that I have been prayed for, supported,
and checked on almost a million times. Incredible!

I have really huge news to share. I am now on the unofficial thickened liquid
diet. I say unofficial because I have not had another swallowing x-ray/test
yet. I will have one at some point in the future. My Speech therapist has
encouraged me to eat specific pureed foods and drink specific thickened liquids.
As I wrote before, the new ‘McNeil’ approach is all about weighting and
strengthening the swallow through pushing stronger weights of food down.

I still am not swallowing normally. Even on this new McNeil treatment, I
occasionally cough and/or have to spit out residual food that stays pooled in my
throat. I cannot feel or taste on the right side of my mouth, tongue, and
throat. The prayer is of course for more progress with the swallow and also
PLEASE PRAY AGAINST PNEUMONIA. The McNeil treatment is considered a very
effective new therapy that will hopefully have very positive results on my
swallowing; however, with the new, larger amounts of food I am consuming with my
still impaired swallow, there is a greater risk that some food/drink could
accidentally go down into my lungs and create an aspiration pneumonia. So,
please focus your wonderful prayers on preventing that. By the way, as part of
the McNeil, there is a large emphasis on watching for signs of pneumonia (eg.
taking my temperature, physical manifestations-eyes watering, etc.) which Nurse
Jay is already a pro at!

Anyway, I can eat most things that are “thickened liquid” (thickened with corn
starch) or pudding-like in consistency, including baby food, cream of wheat and
even smashed bananas. I am taking this to the extreme already and had an
incredible breakfast my first morning. I had 2 bowls of baby oatmeal (baby food
– Jay adds cinnamon), a key lime pie yogurt, a vanilla yogurt, --both from
Trader Joes (of course), a glass of Keifer (strawberry flavor), finely,
liquefied scrambled eggs & a cup of thickened OJ! It was amazing! WOOHOO! I
sobbed I was so happy. I still have a long way to go, but it is huge progress.

As I have shared, not eating or drinking anything for over 10 months was really
hard. (Read Glenn Schumacher’s comment from my last posting on
katherinewolf.info). It is very rare to lose the ability to eat or drink, but it
happens more than you might think. Typically people with throat cancer or MS can
have this happen, but not necessarily people who have strokes. Clearly, I was
the exception! I had my feeding tube changed this week to a shorter one that
they frequently put in people who are going to have a tube permanently.
Thankfully, mine will not be permanent! When they pulled out the other tube, I
screamed. No pain meds or warning, the doctor just wrapped the tube around his
hand and pulled hard! It really hurt and was actually such an appropriate
representation of the pain in all this.

On Saturday I went to hear Anne Ortlund (a hero of mine) speak in LA. While I
was listening to her, Jay went and got my very favorite soup for me to enjoy
once we got home. It was the Chicken Tortilla Soup from ‘Toast’ in LA and it is
thick, pureed, and SO yummy! I enjoyed every bite of it. I felt semi-normal!

Pray extra hard for me to eat normally again one day - I am still craving pizza,
cheeseburgers, chips ‘n ‘salsa, birthday/wedding and caramel cake, and
sandwiches. I am obviously not allowed to have any of those and the adage ‘you
always want what you can't have’ seems to hold true. I will most likely not be
able to eat any meat for a long time, and I am fine with being a vegetarian if
it means I can have something!

Speaking of Birthday cake, every year Jay and I have been married, we have had a
joint birthday party to celebrate our birthdays. We always have a theme,
invitations, a meal for everyone, and we always make an announcement. It is so
fun! Jay’s birthday is April 1st and mine is March 8th (this coming Sunday). So,
they are just three weeks apart. This year, instead of a birthday party, we are
having a “Katherine Lived” party. It is very surreal. I am turning 27 and
celebrating that I am alive for another year. Another WOW moment!
"

yeah, so much for my freakin' 5 days, try 10 months with a feeding tube or pureed food! her faith and optimism is nothing short of amazing and inspirational. those of you fasting with me, i hope this encourages you or at least slaps you in the face like it did for me. i am praying for continued and complete healing during this fast for katherine-most specifically for her ability to eat to return.

blessings.....