never leaves me hanging!

the past few weeks have been MISERABLE with chase's behavior (which leads callie to this behavior!). i have been feeling like a total failure as a parent...let me share some reasons why.

he yells no at me when i give instruction, pretty much every time.
he tells kids he doesn't like them and then callie walks up to them to hit them.
he says "my dad will come and beat you up" to other kids, with callie cheering him on.
he says "my mom said i don't have to listen to you" to the childcare ladies at church.
he throws and kicks things when he is mad.
he says he "hates" me on the regular.
when i say to stop something, he looks at me and keeps going.
i had to leave the park and a friend after only 10 minutes because of their disobedience (after 3 very generous warnings).
i have to hang up pretty much every phone conversation to discipline.

i could go on forever. sure it doesn't look like much on here, but imagine your entire day and every single thing you say is followed by disobedience. it gets TIRING. sure, it's easy to say just spank him, take something away, put him in time out. but most of you are not home all day everyday with a husband who works a lot with 3 kids under 4. my entire day is disciplining. it gets old. i get mad, frustrated, and downright angry at times.

i was at my wit's end yesterday already by 10am. chase had been off the chain and callie had just shoved corban down on the hardwoods with his head hitting first. i was MAD. there i was trying to yell at my kids why i can't take it anymore-like they cared or even understood a word i was saying. i called my dad sobbing because brian was no where to be reached. he consoled me, but also told me that i needed to be consistent and let them know after the first offense what's up. there is no counting to 3. there is no "come here, sir or maam", i am the freakin maam. but most importantly-i need to be CALM when i discipline my kids. i need to explain to them why mommy is disciplining them, yada yada. all stuff i "know" but don't always do successfully. it was good to have the reminder. so thank you dad!

then i go to my growing kids god's way class. thank god for the ezzo's and the people who were in my group that night! i feel bad like it was a counseling session for my crazy kid's and issues but it was the first night they talked about discipline-most specifically first time obedience. so we are going to practice and really stick to it as best we can (even though we don't learn for like a month what to do when there isn't first time obedience!, but we are setting a foundation). i realized i am guilty of being that parent who repeats her instruction multiple times followed by threats and then i just give up or lash out. what horrible instability i am creating for my kids. i need to be consistent---that way they know when they do wrong, it is their choice to receive the discipline--not my choice on when to give it. i just need to really work on it. don't get me wrong, i don't just let my kids run amuck and they do listen to most other adults and even brian. it's just me (now i know how my mom felt!).

so thank you god that i wasn't entirely alone yesterday when i just wanted to drive away in my car and never look back. thank you for my dad (who raised me on growing kids god's way, and i ended up obedient, respectful, and pretty stinkin' awesome from it.) thank you for my sister michelle who is right there with me and we can vent our "complaints" and lift each other up! thank you for the ezzos and for my class"mates". i think i might make it through these years!!!